“It’s all a matter of paying attention, being awake in the present moment, and not expecting a huge payoff. The magic in this world seem to work in whispers and small kindnesses.” ~Charles de Lint

In our review of the skills we carry in our kindness toolbox, let’s look at a couple more.

Paying Attention

An essential skill of kindness is paying attention, being present to what’s happening around us. Not being so absorbed in our devices or our own internal drama that we don’t notice the car trying to merge, the person whose hands are full whom we could hold the door for, or a child in distress seeking our attention.

Beyond noticing our opportunities to extend kindness, it’s also being present to receive the kindnesses others offer us. At the library recently, I saw a man wait to hold a door for a woman who was a few steps behind him. She didn’t even look up from her phone, just walked through the open door into the library without a word. I’m sure he held the door because he wanted to be courteous and considerate; he didn’t do it to be thanked. And let’s give her the benefit of the doubt: she probably wasn’t being deliberately rude; it’s likely she didn’t even notice him, so occupied was she by her device. But what an opportunity missed. At least three people could have felt the endorphins created by kindness: he, the giver; she, the receiver; and I, a witness. Each of us would have had a burst of pleasure over something so small as the courtesy of a held door.

I’m not going to get on a soapbox about all the things people miss because they’re addicted to their phones. It’s a choice. When people realize how much actual life they’re missing, they’ll modify their habits.

It’s not just our devices that deter us from noticing kindness opportunities. We can be just as absorbed in the dramas we manufacture internally: Continue reading →