What’s In It for Me?

“When you carry out acts of kindness you get a wonderful feeling inside. It is as though something inside your body responds and says, yes, this is how I ought to feel.” ~Harold Kushner

DSCN3278It’s not crass to ask about the personal benefits of being kind. Neither is it selfish. It’s both healthy and human to think about how our behaviors might reward or punish us, and most of us naturally gravitate toward the actions and attitudes that reward us in some way. Kindness is just such a benefactor. Let’s look at all the good reasons to step up our kindness and also try to expand it in the world around us:

On the health front: when we experience kindness—whether directly or even just witnessing it—our body produces the hormones serotonin and oxytocin, which lower our blood pressure, reduce inflammation, fight heart disease, and slow aging.

The endorphins kindness produces in us have been shown to reduce chronic pain, increase happiness, boost the body’s immune system, decrease depression, and offer us an overall feeling of well-being. In the last month, a new study was released showing that kindness is as effective or more effective than drugs or therapy in relieving serious anxiety or depression.

If kindness were a prescription medication or vitamin, we’d call it a miracle drug.

The business case for kindness: There’s abundant evidence that businesses with kind cultures are more successful. They consistently have: Continue reading

The Universe Reveals Her Secrets….

“Practice puts brains in your muscles.” (Sam Snead)

purple flowers 1 (2)Daily, I am inspired, entertained, and even challenged by the thoughtful posts of my fellow bloggers. Recently, the wonderful Jennifer Balink at Jenny’s Lark set me off on a journey of recollection and recognition. Her lovely post recounted an experience where, as a teenager, she witnessed a friend’s mother react with grace to a situation where most of us would have a meltdown. It took years for Jenny to realize what it is that gives someone the ability to instantly respond to a setback with poise and perspective.

It isn’t virtue, or superhuman patience, or even piety. It’s practice. Tedious, mundane, sometimes even annoying, practice. As lackluster as that word may be, I believe it’s one of a dozen or so secrets to living one’s best life.

Practice is one of the most undervalued traits or actions that we humans have at our disposal. Given a choice, we’d much prefer innate genius, instantaneous transformation, or magic to make us better at some pursuit—or simply to become better humans—when the answer is practice. Just keep doing it. Just keep showing up.

“Don’t you have something a bit more wondrous . . . something, I dunno, maybe kinda sexy? Like enchantment, or sleight-of-hand, or maybe something I could buy with cryptocurrency?” Continue reading

What Are You Saying Yes To?

“Your priorities aren’t what you say they are. They are revealed by how you live.” (Anon.)

In recent days, I’ve been working with a nonprofit board on strategic planning. It’s always an enjoyable and enlightening process—especially when a board of directors is both committed and receptive to new ways of looking at their world.

One of the things I found myself saying to the group is something I say to nearly every planning group I work with: “Be very intentional about what you say ‘yes’ to, because everything you say yes to means you have to say ‘no’ to something else.”

It’s not rocket science. I’ve never met a nonprofit that was so flush with cash that it didn’t need to make hard decisions and be strategic about how it invests its resources (money, time, and people). When I remind them about saying yes and saying no, I often see a light come on. They realize strategic planning is not about coming up with as many things to do as they can possibly think of, but rather about identifying the few, mission-critical actions that will move them forward, that will really make a difference. That awareness leads to a practical and dynamic plan, and a cohesive group committed to accomplishing important objectives that will serve their constituency.

Sometimes I have to stop and ask myself if I am following my own advice—because it’s true for individuals as well as for organizations. Continue reading

Great Expectations

“Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree.” (Marian Wright Edelman)

I recall bringing home a report card in my junior year of high school. It bore all A’s and one B+ in chemistry, a class I struggled mightily with. I was proud of the A’s and even the B+, knowing how hard I had worked for that grade. My mom took one look at the card and said only this: “If only you’d done better in chemistry—you’d have straight A’s.”

At first, I was devastated. My almost-straight-A report card had disappointed my mother. Then I was mad. How dare she not appreciate how hard I had worked to get these grades? For her, they were just something to brag to her friends about. All-A’s was brag-worthy; a B was not. That may have been the day I decided to stop trying to please my mother.

For years, I thought mine was the only mother who would find an almost perfect report card inadequate. But over the years, I’ve spoken with countless people who relayed almost identical stories. Author and physician Rachel Remen describes a similar experience when, as a child, she brought home a test paper with a score of 98%, Continue reading

Strive for More “Oops!” in 2019

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” (Anna Quindlen)

Photo attribution: Donna Cameron

“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.” -Albert Einstein

The incomparable Neil Gaiman usually posts a New Year’s message as one year closes and another opens. I love those annual wishes. They are inspiring messages of hope and optimism for the year ahead. You can read many of them here. I was thinking recently about a few lines from his 2011 New Year’s edict: “I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes . . . . Make new mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before.” (Read the full message here.)

I think we often undervalue our mistakes. We try hard not to make them, and when we do make one, we often avoid thinking about it and perhaps even deny that we’ve erred. Do we fear others will think less of us if we are not perfect or if we admit our imperfection . . . or will we think less of ourselves?

Perfectionism is a terrible burden—and not something we should strive for. Gaiman further says, “…if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world….”

…keep on reading…